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Turn Over A New Leaf

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Q: How did the cannibal turn over a new leaf?

A: He became a vegetarian.
 
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Pea Soup

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Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, build a huge fire under it, and left them there. A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably.

The other missionary was incredulous, and said, "What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're going to eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?"

The laughing missionary said, "I just peed in their soup!"
 
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The Pepsi Airplaine Crash

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An airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa had a malfunction, and went down. A few weeks later, the Pepsi Company sent a rescue plane. They searched the area and found a tribe of cannibals.

They walked up to the Chief of the tribe and asked him if he knew anything about the crash.

The Chief said, "You betcha!"

When asked where the crew was, the Chief replied, "We ate the crew, and we drank the Pepsi."

The Rescue crew were shocked. One man asked, "Did you eat their legs?"

The chief replied, "We ate their legs, and we drank the Pepsi."

Another rescuer asked, "Did you eat their arms?"

The Chief replied, "We ate their arms, and we drank the Pepsi."

After looking totally perplexed for a minute, a third asked, "Did you...you know...eat, their...'things'?"

The chief says, "No."

"No?" asked the rescuer.

"No," replied the Chief, "THINGS go better with Coke."
 
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Eating Pretty Women

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Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path. Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "Oh dad, there's one."

"No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We'll just wait."

Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The son said, "Hey dad, he's plenty big enough."

"No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We'll just wait."

About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman. The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's eat her."

"No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either."

"Why not?" asked the son.

"Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother."
 
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Cannibal One Liners

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Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"

That reminds me of the cannibal that passed his friend in the woods.

Q: When do cannibals leave the table?

A: When everyone's eaten.

Q: What is a cannibal's favorite type of TV show?

A: A celebrity roast.

Q: Where do cannibals shop for fine furniture?

A: Eatin' Allen's.

Q: What did the cannibal give his wife for Valentine's Day?

A: A box of farmer's fannies.

Q: What do cannibals eat for dessert?

A: Chocolate covered aunts.

Q: What do cannibals make out of politicians?

A: Bologna sandwiches.

Q: What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner?

A: The cold shoulder.

Q: What is a cannibal's favorite game?

A: Swallow the leader.

Have you heard about the cannibal restaurant? Dinner costs an arm and a leg.

Did you hear about the cannibal who loved fast foods? He ordered a pizza with everybody on it.

Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school for buttering up his teacher?

Cannibal: One who loves his fellow man with gravy.

Cannibal's recipe book: How to Serve Your Fellow Man.

One cannibal to another: I never met a man I didn't like.

Two cannibals were sitting by a fire. The first says, "Gee, I hate my mother-in-law." The 2nd cannibal replied, "So, try potatoes.

The first cannibal asked the 2nd cannibal, "Aren't you done eating Yet?" The 2nd cannibal replied, "I'm on my last leg now."

One day a cannibal visited the neighboring island of cannibals. There, people cost $2 but politicians cost $25.

The visiting cannibal asked, "How come politicians cost so much?"

The chief answered, "Do you know how hard it is to clean one of those?"

A man gets captured by cannibals and every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food.

Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "You can kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks."

Q. How can you tell when two cannibals really trust each other?

A. They're having oral sex.

Heard about the vegetarian cannibal?

He only ate Swedes!

Q: What does a cannibal say when he see's a man in a hammock?

A: MMMMMMM, Breakfast in bed

Q: What did the Cannibal wear to the ball?

A: Someone's Birthday suit.

Q. What did the cannibal do when he dumped his girlfriend?

A. Wiped his ass.

Q: Why won't cannibals eat divorced women?

A: They're very bitter. Q: Why do cannibals prefer eating readers to writers?

A: Because writers cramp but readers digest. Two cannibals just finished a big meal and one turns to the other while rubbing his stomach with his fist and say, "You know, I just ate my mother-in-law, and she still doesn't agree with me!"

 
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