Q: What do you get when you cross a University of Michigan fan and a pig?

A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.

General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie.

The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish." The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war."

The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish."

"Well," the General responds, "then can you have University of Michigan win a bowl game this year?"

After a moment, the genie says, "Let me see that map again."

Q: What do you get when you cross a groundhog and a Wolverine?

A: Six more weeks of bad football.

Q: Why should the University of Michigan change its name to the "Opossums"?

A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.