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A's for arthritis,
B's the bad back,
C's the chest pains - perhaps car-d-iac?
D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.
H is high blood pressure - I'd rather it low;
I is for incisions with scars you can show...
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L is for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, the bones that don't grow!
P is for prescriptions, I have quite a few, just give me a pill and I'll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.
S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
T is for Tinnitus - there's bells in my ears!
U is for urinary... big troubles with flow;
V is for vertigo, that's "dizzy," you know.
W is for worry - NOW what's going 'round?
X is for X ray, and what might be found;
Y is another year I'm left here behind,
Z is for zest that I still have - in my mind.
I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed, and I am keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!
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Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"
"98," she replied, "Two years older than me."
"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home, huh?" |
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A young man who felt very guilty when he had to put his elderly father
into a nursing home, went to visit him to see if he was
adjusting properly. He was relieved to see how clean and nice the place
was, and since his father was in the dining room
having lunch he decided to join him. Part way through the meal his
father started leaning to one side. Instantly an attendant
appeared and straightened him up. Several minutes later, he leaned to
the other side. Again, an attendant immediately ran over
and helped him get upright in his seat. The rest of the meal was without
incident, and over coffee the son asked the father how
he felt about the nursing home.
Well son the place is nice and clean and the service is good, but
there's one thing I really can't stand".
"What's that, asked the son?"
"They don't let you fart here"!
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An elderly couple, she was 85, he was 90, decided that they
would take advantage of modern science to conceive another
child. They discussed it with a fertility expert who said it
was indeed possible. The doctor gave the couple a jar and
asked them to return a semen sample the next day.
The next day, the couple presented the doctor with an empty
jar. The husband apologized, "I tried my right hand...I tried
my left hand...My wife tried her right hand...My wife tried
her left hand. She took her teeth out and used her mouth. We
still couldn't get the lid off the jar."
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An elderly couple was driving cross-country, the woman was driving.
She gets pulled over by the highway patrol
The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"
The woman turns to her husband and asks "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "HE SAYS YOU WERE SPEEDING."
The patrolman says, "May I see your license?"
The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "HE WANTS TO SEE YOUR LICENSE."
The woman gives him her license.
The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time
there
one, had the worst sex with a woman I have ever had."
The woman turns to her husband and asks "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU."
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