Woman's Guide to Men

"I'm sleepy" = I'm sleepy.

"I'm tired" = I'm tired.

"I've gotta pee" = Get out of the way.

"I've gotta GO" = Get out of the way and stay away until it clears

"Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

"Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Can I get your coat?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Let me get your door." = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!

"You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle you.

"What's wrong?" = I don't see why are you making such a big deal out of this.

"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

"What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.

"I'm bored." = Do you want to have sex?

"I love you." = Let's have sex now.

"I love you too." = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!

"Good morning." = That was great sex......let's have more!

"See you later." = That was great sex......let's have more!

"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = I liked it better before.

"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!

"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = For $50 they should have GIVEN you hair!

"Let's talk."= I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.

"Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.

"Will you marry me?" = I might as well get tax benefits for going through these "talks"

While shopping:
"Yes, that one's nice" = Why do you ask when you aren't going to listen anyway?

"That one looks great on you" = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!

"I like that one better." = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!

"Uh huh" = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!

"I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together." = I am gay.