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Wish for Mother-In-Law

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A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants provided that his mother-in-law gets double.

The man thinks for a moment and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."
 
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No Wishes Today

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Walking along the beach, John tripped over a half-buried kerosene lantern. He rubbed its side and sure enough, a Genie materialized.

"I can't grant your wishes," explained the freed spirit, "Due to poor connectivity with the seventh dimension. But I'll give you three off-the-shelf gifts for releasing me: a potion to cure ill health, a very large diamond, and a dinner date with a famous movie star. By tomorrow afternoon, you will have received all these gifts."

When John returned home from work the next evening, he excitedly asked his mother if anything had been delivered.

"Yes," she replied. "It's been an unusual day. At 2 pm, a 55 gallon drum of chicken soup arrived. About a half-hour later, a telegram came saying that a long-lost relative had left you a minor-league baseball stadium. Ten minutes ago, MGM called, inviting you to dinner with Lassie tonight."
 
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3 Wishes

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An American, Australian and Englishman where stranded together on a desert island. After many years together, one day the three men were walking on the beach when they saw an old bottle than had been washed up. Immediatley the American opened the bottle. There was a flash and a loud bang and a Genie appeared. The Genie said" I have been trapped in that bottle for a 1000 years, and as a reward I will give you all one wish"

The American straight away said "I want to go back home to New York"

With a wave of the Genie's hand, the American disappeared.

The Australian said "Please send me back to my home in Sydney"

"No Problem", the Genie answered. And the Austrialian disappear.

Suddenly there was a loud crash. Behind the Genie and the Englishman, a giant pink elephant had just fallen out of the sky onto the beach. The elephant picked himself up and looked around. He then looked at the Genie and the Englishman and said apologetically, "Sorry chaps, I appear to be the wrong joke!"

 
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Dennis Rodman

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Dennis Rodman finds a bottle on the beach and picks it up ...suddenly a female genie appears from the bottle.

"Master, I may grant you one wish." says the genie with a smile.

"Hey, Bitch... don't you know who I am ... I don't need no woman give me nuttin!" barks Rodman.

The genie pleads..."But Master I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to this bottle forever."

Dennis thinks a moment ... then grumbling about the inconvenience of it all... he says "Ok, ok ... I wanna wake up with three women in my bed in the morning. So just do it!" (giving the genie an evil glare) "Now leave me alone!" he screams.

So the annoyed genie says, "So be it!" and disappears back into the bottle.

Next morning, he wakes up with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton. His penis is gone, his leg is broken, and he has no health insurance.

 
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Genie Joke

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A husband and a wife were out enjoying a round of golf about to tee off on the third hole which was lined with beautiful homes.

The wife hit her shot and the ball began to slice. Her shot was headed directly at a very large plate glass window. Much to their surprise, the ball smashed through the window and shattered it into a million pieces.

They felt compelled to see what damage was done and drove off to see what happened. When they peeked inside the house, they found no one there. The husband called out and no one answered. Upon further investigation, they saw a gentleman sitting on the couch with a turban on his head.

The wife said, "Do you live here?"

"No, someone just hit a ball through the window, knocked over the vase you see there and freed me from that little bottle. I am so grateful," he answered.

The wife said, "Are you a genie?"

"Oh, why yes I am. In fact, I am so grateful I will grant you two wishes, the third I will keep for myself," the man replied.

The husband and wife agreed on two wishes...one was for a scratch handicap for the husband, to which the wife readily agreed. The other was for an income of $1,000,000 per year forever.

The genie nodded and said, "Done!"

The genie now said, "For my wish, I would like to have my way with your wife." I have not been with a woman for many years, and after all, I have made you a scratch golfer and a millionaire."

The husband and wife agreed.

After the genie and wife were finished, the genie asked the wife, "How long have you been married?" to which she responded, "Three years." The genie then asked, "How old is your husband?" to which she responded, "31 years old." The genie then asked, "How long has he believed in this genie stuff?"

 
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