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Q: What is the difference between a hooker and a lawyer?
A: A hooker will stop fucking you when you're dead.
Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
Q: What is the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: What is the difference between a dead lawyer and a squished skunk in the road?
A: The vultures will eat the skunk.
Q: What do you do if you run over a lawyer?
A: Back over him to make sure. Then, make another notch on the steering wheel.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?
A: Depends on how thin you slice them.
Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
Q: Why do lawyers wear neckties??
A: To hold back the foreskin.
Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
A: One is a scum sucking bottem dweller and the other's a fish
Q: If you laid all the lawyers in the world end to end, how far would they reach?
A: Into each others' pockets.
Q: Why are attorneys like sperms?
A: Cuz only one in ten million turns out to be a human being.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an I. Q. of 50?
A: Your honor.
Q: What do you call a lawyer whose gone bad?
A: Senator.
Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline!
Q: What do lawyers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for what is essentially the same service.
Q: What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
Q: What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A: A Doberman.
Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once
launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they
screw up everything forever.
Q: Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their
latest stamps?
A: They had pictures of lawyers on them ...and people
couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
Q: What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull?
A: Lipstick.
Q: What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving from an airplane?
A: Skeet.
Q: What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a
crooked lawyer?
A: Chelsea Clinton
Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why should you swerve to
avoid hitting him?
A: It might be your bicycle.
Q: It was so cold last winter ... (How cold was it?)
A: ...... I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
Q: You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a
lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: You shoot the lawyer. Twice.
Q: Do you know what happens when a lawyer takes Viagra?
A: He gets taller.
Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.
Any time a lawyer is seen and not heard, it's a shame to wake him.
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Lawyer Jokes
