Good Looking Wife
Guy walks into a bar and orders a double scotch. Gulps it down in one drink and peeks into his shirt pocket. Orders another double scotch. Tosses it back and peeks into his shirt pocket. This process is repeated numerous times and finally after about ten the bartender asks the guy...
"Buddy..Can I ask you a question?"
Guy looks at him through bleary eyes and says sure.
Bartender says... "What's the deal? You've knocked back about a half a bottle of scotch and after every drink you look in your shirt pocket and order another. What's in the pocket?"
Guy says "Picture of my wife... and just as soon as she starts looking good... I'm heading home."