Marriage Humor



     Marriage Humor:

     ---------------



     Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to

       his success.  - Jim Backus



     I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.  That

       must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.  - David Bissonette



     I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again.  -

       Noel Coward, 1956



     A man is incomplete until he is married.  After that, he is

       finished.  - Zsa Zsa Gabor



     I'm an excellent housekeeper.  Every time I get a divorce, I keep

       the house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor



     When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let

       him keep her.  - Sacha Guitry



     Marriage is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important.

        - Lisa Hoffman



     She's a lovely person.  She deserves a good husband. Marry her

       before she finds one.  - Oscar Levant to Harpo Marx upon meeting

       Harpo's fiancee



     Eighty percent of married men cheat in America.  The rest cheat in

       Europe- Jackie Mason



     Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get

       in, and those inside desperate to get out.  - Montaigne



     After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they

       just can't face each other, but still they stay together. -- Hemant

       Joshi



     By all means marry.  If you get a good wife, you'll be happy.  If

       you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher...and that is a good

       thing for any man.  - Socrates



     A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can

       spend.  A  successful woman is one who can find such a man.  - Lana

       Turner



     Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an

       institution.- Mae West



     [the authors of the following are not known]



     Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and

     suffering.



     Marriage is bliss.  Ignorance is bliss.  Therefore ...



     Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.



     Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.  Second

       marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.



     Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts

       when they try to decide which one.



     Marriages are made in heaven.  But so again, are thunder and

       lightning.



     Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves.  After marriage,

       the 'Y' becomes silent.



     Do not marry a person that you know that you can live with; only

       marry someone that you cannot live without.



     I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.



     If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every

       word you say, talk in your sleep.