-A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
-Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring
wedding ring
suffering
-Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves.
After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.
-When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why.
When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.
-My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two
girlfriends.
-A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In
fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."
-A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he
wants provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks
for a moment and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and beat
me half to death."
-The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he'll be
late for dinner and the answering machine says it is in the
microwave.
-Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
-How do most men define marriage?
A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
-A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get
married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still
paying for it."
-A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally
the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't
be here!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money,
I wouldn't be here."
-A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report
it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
-Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.
-The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to
forget it once.
-Cosmetics: A woman's means for keeping a man from reading between
the lines.
-Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your
parachute.
-Some people think life begins at conception, while others think
life begins at birth. But some believe that life begins when the kid
moves out and the dog he left behind dies.
-Her husband has been slipping in and out of a coma for several
months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to,
he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You
know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When
I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell,
you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost
the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you
were still by my side. When I think about it now, I think you bring me
bad luck!"
-Boring husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on
the wrong finger?
Bored wife: Because I married the wrong man!
-First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
-Marriage is grand -- and divorce is about 10 grand.
-Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage,
the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman
speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak
and the neighbors listen.
-When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure
of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
-This guy goes to a party without his wife. He hears this other
guy say to his wife "Pass the sugar, Honey." and "Pass the honey,
Sugar."
He thinks this sort of speech is a good idea. So, the morning
when he and his wife are eating breakfast, he says to his wife, "Pass
the bacon, Pig."
-A man rushed home from work and exclaimed to his wife, "Pack your
bags, I've won the lottery!" The wife excitedly asks, "Should I
pack clothes for cold or warm weather?" He says, "Pack'em all, you're
leaving!"
-A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made
a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too.
But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled "It really works!"
-Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about
something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you
finish ...
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