Q: What's the difference between a violin and a viola?
A: There is no difference. The violin just looks smaller because the violinist's head is so much bigger.
Q: What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
A: A fiddle is fun to listen to.
Q: Why are viola jokes so short?
A: So violinists can understand them.
Q: How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
A: The dog knows when to stop scratching.
Q: How do you keep your violin from getting stolen?
A: Put it in a viola case.
Q: What do a violin and a lawsuit have in common?
A: Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
Q: Why do people tremble with fear when someone comes into a bank carrying a violin case?
A: They think he's carrying a machine gun and might be about to use it.
Q: Why is a violinist's fingers like lightening?
A: They never strike the same place twice!
Q: Why don't viola players suffer from piles (hæmorrhoids)?
A: Because all the buttholes are in the first violin section.
Q: What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin?
A: No-one minds if you spill beer on a fiddle.
Q: Why do violinists put a cloth between their chin and their instrument?
A: Violins don't have spit valves.
Q: Why should you never try to drive a roof nail with a violin?
A: You might bend the nail.
Q: What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
A: The more I don't practice my violin, the more it sounds like a fiddle
Q: Violinist, can you sing?
A: No, the Good Lord propped this piece of wood under my chin to keep my mouth shut.
Q: How do you get two violinists to play in unison?
A: Shoot one.
A violinist says to his wife, "Oh, baby, I can play you just like my violin."
His wife replies, "I'd rather have you play me like a harmonica!"
Q: How's a violin like a vampire?
A1: They sleep in cases
A2: They leave marks on your neck
A3: They melt in direct sunlight.....
Did you hear about the violinist who bragged that he could play 32nd notes?
The rest of the orchestra didn't believe him, so he proved it by playing one.
Q: How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They can't get up that high!
|