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Q: What was Clinton's last gift to Monica?
A: Spot remover.
Q: What is Clinton's worst nightmare?
A: An intern with braces.
Q: Did you hear Clinton is declaring a new National Bird?
A: The Spread Eagle
Q: What's Bill Clinton's favorite brand of potato chips?
A: Lays
Q: What did Clinton say when Paula Jones went public with her story?
A: NOW she decides to open her mouth
Q: What did Clinton say when asked if he had used protection?
A: "Sure, there was a guard standing right outside the door."
The most recent reports of the stain on Monica's dress have been released.
This whole thing seems to be a vast right-hand conspiracy.
Q: What does Clinton say to interns as they leave his office"
A: Don't hit your head on the desk.
Hillary is planning to install the latest security device on Bill's zipper.
It's called Blo-jack.
As Air Force One prepares to land, the captain makes
his customary request over the loudspeaker:
"Mr. President, would you please return
the stewardess to the upright position and
prepare to land?"
A reporter asked Clinton one day.
" Was Monica lying?" Clinton responded
"No, he responded, "She was on her knees."
Q. What do Hillary Clinton, Monica Luwinsky, and a pop machine have in common?
A. They all say "Insert Bill Here"
There's a new game being played in Washington D.C. .... it's called swallow the leader.
Monica to The Prez: Is that a veto in your pocket..or are you just glad to see me?
In a surprise interview, Monica was asked about the details of her
late night meetings with the President......
"I can't remember the details,she said,but I know the answer is on
the TIP of MY tongue!"
If Clinton survives the scandal, he will appear on a new US coin.
The words "in God we trust" will be replaced by the words "oral sex
doesn't count."
Someone ask Clinton if he was going back to Arkansaw after this is all
over.
He said he thought he would stay in D.C. and poke around for a while.
During Nixon's administration we had a crisis involving "Tricky Dicky"
Now we have a crisis involving "Licky Dicky"
President Clinton, what do you want to do about this abortion bill?
He replies, "I guess...pay it!"
Realization of from another White House intern . . .
And all that time I thought that humming was the shredder!
{mospagebreak title=President Clinton One Liner #21
}
Q: Did you hear that Bill Clinton changed his dogs name?
A: He had to because Hilary would stand on the front porch and yell "come Spot! Come Spot!"
}
{mospagebreak title=President Clinton One Liner #22
}
Q: What do you get if you put Bill Clinton, Al Gore and Dolly Parton in the same room?
A: Two Boobs and a Country Singer.
}
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Q. Why is ObamaCare like an apple a day?
A. It keeps your doctor away. |
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The Obama economy is so bad that at the next White House beer summit, they will be serving Natural Light.
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Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for Clunkers" program?
A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road. |
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While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," says the man.
"Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."
"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the senator.
"I'm sorry but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.
The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all
his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in evening dress.
They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that, before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.
"Now it's time to visit heaven."
So, 24 hours pass with the head of state joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing.
They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
"Well then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."
The senator reflects for a minute, then the senator answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.
"I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and club, and we ate lobster and caviar,drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now all there is is a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"
The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning......Today you voted for us!" |
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