Q: Why are proctologists so gloomy?
A: They always have the end in sight.
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Q: What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A:Roamin' Catholic.
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A's for arthritis,
B's the bad back,
C's the chest pains - perhaps car-d-iac?
D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.
H is high blood pressure - I'd rather it low;
I is for incisions with scars you can show...
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L is for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, the bones that don't grow!
P is for prescriptions, I have quite a few, just give me a pill and I'll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.
S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
T is for Tinnitus - there's bells in my ears!
U is for urinary... big troubles with flow;
V is for vertigo, that's "dizzy," you know.
W is for worry - NOW what's going 'round?
X is for X ray, and what might be found;
Y is another year I'm left here behind,
Z is for zest that I still have - in my mind.
I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed, and I am keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!
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And your cry baby whiny assed opinion would be.....?
Do I look like a fucking people person?
This isn't an office, it's hell with fluorescent lighting.
I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
Sarcasm is just one of the services we offer.
If I throw a stick will you leave??
YOU!.... Off my planet!
If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet I'll put shoes on my cats.
Does your train of thought have a caboose?
The bible was written by the same people who said the earth was flat.
Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
Errors have been made, others will be blamed.
Ohhh, let me turn on the part of my brain that gives a damn.
A hard on doesn't count as personal growth.
Whatever look you were going for, you missed.
Well, this day was a total waste of make-up .
See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
Are these your eyeballs, I found them in my cleavage.
I'm not your type, I'm not inflatable.
I have a computer, a vibrator and pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?
Not all men are annoying, some are dead.
Did I mention that kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?
It's not the size that coun... no wait, it's the size!
A woman's favorite position is CEO
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
A cubicle is just a padded cell without the door.
Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
Okay, Okay, I take it back! UnFuck you!
Too many freaks not enough circuses.
Macho law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.
Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
Chaos, panic, disorder - my work here is done.
I plead contemporary insanity.
And which dwarf are you?
How do I set the laser printer to stun?
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"Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud."
"Yes sir, it's fresh ground." |
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