Application for Permission to Date My Daughter

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME________________________  DATE OF BIRTH______________



HEIGHT________  WEIGHT__________  IQ________  GPA__________



SOCIAL SECURITY #________________  DRIVERS LICENSE #__________



BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES_______________________________



HOME ADDRESS___________________  CITY/STATE__________  ZIP_____



Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent? ___________________________



If NO, please explain ____________________________________________



___________________________________________________________



Number of years they have been married _______________________________



If less than your age, explain _______________________________________



____________________________________________________________



Do you own a van?                                       _______________



A truck with oversized tires?                           _______________



A waterbed?                                             _______________



A pickup with a mattress in the back?                   _______________



A condom?                                               _______________



Pornography?                                            _______________



Do you have earring, nose ring, or a belly button ring? _______________



A tattoo?                                               _______________



(IF YES TO THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES)



In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?_______________________



__________________________________________________________



__________________________________________________________



In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER, mean to you?



_________________________________________________________



_________________________________________________________



In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?



_________________________________________________________



_________________________________________________________



Church you attend ______________________________________________________



How often you attend __________________________________________



When would be the best time to interview your:



        father? _____________



        mother? _____________



        priest? _____________





Answer by filling in the blank.

Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.





A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:



________________________________________________________





B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:



__________________________________________________________





C: A woman's place is in the:



_________________________________________________________





D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:



__________________________________________________________





E: When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is:



__________________________________________________________



NOTE: if answer E begins with T or A, discontinue.

Leaving premises keeping your head low and running

in a serpentine fashion is advised.





What do you want to do IF you grow up? ______________________________



__________________________________________________________



__________________________________________________________





What is the current going rate of a hotel room? _____________________



Condoms come in packages of (circle one)



        A:  3

        B:  6

        C:  9

        D: 12

        E: ALL OF THE ABOVE



I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE

BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE

AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER

TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.





_______________________________________

Signature (that means sign your name moron)

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury) If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases (you might watch your back).

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