Spice Girl Application

Dear Colleagues,

I have been reliably informed that one of the Spice Girls has left the Group and that they are currently recruiting on an urgent basis for members. The position will commence, conveniently, on the Australian leg of their World Tour. I urge you to make the most of this fabulous opportunity by applying on the form below.

The Spice Girls Application Form

Name: ____________________
Age: ____________________
Real age: ____________________
Bra size: ____________________
Original bra size: ______________

How would you best describe yourself?
( ) An energetic self-starter
( ) A team player
( ) A tasty, albeit untalented, bit of crumpet

Do you have any detectable vestige of talent, besides your tits?
( )Yes ( )No

Would it bother you to be the target of unrelenting hatred?
( )Yes ( )No

Are you willing to trade sexual favours for a career in the music industry?
( )Yes ( )No

How many times have you been kicked out of a karaoke bar? ( )

Does nudity bother you? ( )Yes ( )No

If yes, give three excuses for your portfolio.


Explain the difficulties in identifying the source of individual free will inlight of the deterministic theories of neurochemical medicine and modern behavioralist psychology. Just kidding! ;-)

Seriously, do you like leather mini-skirts?
( )Yes ( )No

Are you deceptively attractive in coloured or stroboscopic light?
( )Yes ( )No

Do you know what stroboscopic means?
( )Yes ( ) No

Choose an appropriate nickname:
( ) Sexy
( ) Nasty
( ) Sweetie
( ) Syphilis
( ) Lardy
( ) Sickly
( ) Sleazy
( ) Slappy
( ) Stanky
( ) Crusty
( ) Bumpy
( ) Scabby

Choose an appropriate image:
( ) Cute, blonde, appeals to paedophiles
( ) Tub of lard
( ) Bloke. In a tracksuit
( ) Vacant stare, no discernible brain activity
( ) Terrifying to small children and old men
( ) All of the above

Do you promise to make one album and then go away forever?
( )Yes ( )No

If two trains leave Liverpool an hour apart at 90 kilometres, and 75 kilometres an hour, respectively, how would you look in a bikini?

If required as part of your contract, would you be willing to help alleviate Prince Charles's loneliness?
( )Yes ( )No

How about Prince William and Prince Harry?
( )Yes ( )No

In space provided, tell us why you want, why you really, really, want this job.

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