How To Speak Southern -- Part 2

(Hah Tu Spek Suthun)

BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida. Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck."

MUNTS - noun. A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I aint herd from him in munts."

IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See "Va Tech Alumni." Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"

RANCH - noun. A tool. Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

EARL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts earl in my pickup truck."

FAR - noun. A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."

BAHS - noun. A supervisor. Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!"

TAR - noun. A rubber wheel. Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesn't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

TIRE - noun. A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willing and the creeks don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

HOT - noun. A blood-pumping organ.

HOD - adverb. Not easy. Usage: "A broken hot is hod to fix."

RETARD - Verb. To stop working. Usage: "My granpaw retard at age 65."

TARRED - adverb. Exhausted. Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred."

RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege. Usage: "We Southerners are willing to fight for out rats."

LOT - adjective. Luminescent. Usage: "I dream of Jeanie in the lot-brown hair."

FARN - adjective. Not local. Usage: "I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."

DID - adjective. Not alive. Usage: "He's did, Jim."

EAR - noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA). Usage: "He can't breathe ... give 'em some ear!"

BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

JU-HERE - a question. Usage: "Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys' coach Jimmy Johnson recently toured the University of Alabama?"

HAZE - a contraction. Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert."

SEED - verb, past tense. VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun. Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City ... view?"

HEAVY DEW - phrase. A request for action. Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?"

GUMMIT - Noun. An often-closed bureaucratic institution. Usage: "Great ... ANOTHER gummit shutdown!"

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