Sex Calorie Counter

ACTIVITYCALORIES BURNED
REMOVING CLOTHES
With partner`s consent12
Without partner`s consent187
UNHOOKING BRA
Using two calm hands.7
Using one trembling hand36
GETTING INTO BED
Lifting partner15
Dragging partner along floor16
Using skateboard3
ACHIEVING ERECTIONS
For normal healthy man2.5
Losing erection14
Searching for it115
PUTTING ON CONDOM
With erection 1.5
Without erection300
INSERTING DIAPHRAGM
If the woman who does it is
Experienced6
Inexperienced73
If a man does it (Add (5) calories for retrieving it from across the room)650
POSITIONS ACCORDING TO NATIONALITY
Italian- Man on top, woman in kitchen26
Russian- Woman on bottom, Man getting permission55
American- Both on top60
POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS OF INTERCOURSE
Bouncing7
Sliding around9
Serious skidding12
Whiplash27
ORGASM
Real27
Faked160
ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE
Shoes flew off35
Expression didn`t change1/2
Orchestra swelled6
Birds sang -- Large birds7
Small birds3
Earth moved30
PULLING OUT
After orgasm1/2
A few moments before orgasm500
PENIS ENVY
For woman3
For men72
GUILT
Despite no formal training, orgasm comes easily, naturally53
You`re enjoying sex, despite the fact that other people are starving2
Sex on your lunch hour3
Putting it on expense account20
AGGRAVATION
Partner keeps showing plant5
Partner insists on cuddling the dog during foreplay14
Partner just visited bathroom for 7th time10
Partner is taking phone calls7
Partner is making phone calls40
GETTING CAUGHT
By partner`s spouse60
By your spouse100
Trying to explain55
Trying to remain calm100
Leaping out of bed75
Getting dressed in one motion500
Thanking partner quickly3

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