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A farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the
airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost.
"$10 for 3 minutes," replied the pilot.
"That's too much," said the farmer.
The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I'll make you a deal. If you
and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be
free. But if you make a sound, you'll have to pay $10."
The farmer and his wife agreed and went for a wild ride. After they landed,
the pilot said to the farmer, "I want to congratulate you for not making a
sound. You are a brave man."
"Maybe so," said the farmer, "But I gotta tell ya, I almost screamed when
my wife fell out."
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There were two farmers, neither one had much common sense.
They were told by their boss to put the mule in the barn.
When they led the mule over to the barn, they decided that
the mule's ears were to long and he would not fit into the
barn. So they put their heads together and decided to get
a ladder and a saw and saw the overhead of the barn out so
the mule could walk right on in the barn.
They began their job and the boss walked over to them and
asked them why they were sawing out the top of the barn.
When they told him the mule's ears were too long to go into
the barn, the boss said:
"Why don't you just get a shovel and dig the dirt out of
the ground below, then the mule could walk on in"
The two half smarts looked at each other and said
"We told you his "ears" are too long, not his feet !
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There was a farmer who was in the fertilized egg business. He
had several hundred young layers, called pullets, and 8 or
10 roosters whose job was to fertilize the eggs. He kept
records and any rooster or pullet that didn't perform well
went into the pot and was replaced. Now this took an awful
lot of time. So when the farmer saw a set of 8 tiny bells
that each rang a different tone he promptly bought them.
He glued a piece of foam rubber to each clapper shaft so the
bell wouldn't ring except when violently shaken. He hung a
bell on each rooster's neck and went and mixed a Mint Julep.
Now he could sit on the porch and sip while filling out an
efficiency report on the roosters by listening to the
different tones of the bells and marking down each encounter.
The farmer's favorite rooster was old Brewster. Brewster was
a fine specimen, but his bell didn't ring all morning. He went
to investigate.
Several roosters were chasing pullets, bells a-ringing.
Brewster had his bell in his beak so it couldn't ring. He'd
sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the
next one. Chagrined at first, the Farmer was soon so proud
of Brewster he entered him in the county fair.
Brewster was an overnight sensation. They not only awarded
him the No Bell prize but also the Pullet Surprise.
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Ole and Lena's bull took sick and died, so they needed to go to
the auction to buy a new one. Ole had to get the crops in and
couldn't leave the farm, so Lena took the train to the city to buy
a bull. If she was successful, she would take the train back to
the farm, then she and Ole would go to town with the truck to
pick up their newly purchased bull.
The bidding was furious at the livestock auction, and Lena
found herself bidding on the last remaining bull. It took
everything she had but ten cents, but she was finally the
successful bidder.
Unfortunately, the train home was fifty cents. "Please, Mr.
Conductor, couldn't you make an exception just once?"
pleaded Lena. "Sorry lady," he replied, "but you can send your
husband a telegram to tell him your problem. The office is just
down the street."
At the Telegraph office, Lena asked, "Mister, how many vords
can I send to my husband for a dime?" "It's ten cents a word,"
the clerk answered. Lena pondered her dilemma, then finally
said, "OK, here's da message: "COMFORTABLE".
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A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on
their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy
patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a
few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves,
they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving
some oxen before him.
He stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered
to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband
accepted and minutes later the car was free.
The farmer turned to the husband and said,
"You know, you're the tenth car I've helped out of
the mud today."
The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and
asks the farmer,
"When do you have time to plough your land? At night?"
"No," the young farmer replied seriously, "Night is
when I put the water in the hole"
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