|
|
|
A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft." Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"
"Ten years!", he says.
She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.
He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!"
Then she asked, "How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?"
He replies, "Ten years!"
She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him.
He takes a long swig and says, "Wow, that's fantastic!"
Then she starts unzipping a longer zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you've had some real fun?"
And the man replies, "Wow! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there!" |
|
|
One day a man was out playing golf, when he sliced his shot off into a patch of buttercups.
Rather disgusted with himself, he went in search of his ball.
After finding it, he was ready to hit the ball back on the fairway when he heard a voice say "please don't hurt my buttercups".
Startled, he looked around to find the source of the voice to no avail.
Again the man prepared to hit his golf ball and again he heard the voice say "please don't hurt my buttercups".
This time when the man looked to find the source of the voice, he saw a small leprechaun standing by him. The little man spoke to the man and said, "Please sir, if you will kindly pick up your ball and throw it up onto the fairway instead of hitting it with your club, I will reward you with a year's supply of butter for free".
The man thought about the offer for a minute then replied, "That's a fine offer, but I have but one question for you, where were you last week when I hit my ball into the pussy willows?" |
|
|
Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf later than normal and very tired. "Bad day at the course?" his wife asked.
"Everything was going fine," he said. "Then Harry had a heart attack and died on the 10th tee."
"Oh, that's awful!"
"You're not kidding. For the whole back nine it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry." |
|
Fred had tried to be particularly careful about his language as he played golf with his preacher. But on the twelfth hole, when he twice failed to hit out of a sand trap, he lost his resolve and let fly with a string of expletives.
The preacher felt obliged to respond. "I have observed," said he in a calm voice, "that the best golfers do not use foul language."
"I guess not, said Fred, "what the hell do they have to cuss about?" |
|
A golfer was in big trouble when he forgot
his wedding anniversary.
His wife told him; "Tomorrow there better
be something in the driveway for me that goes
zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat".
The next morning the wife found a small package
in the driveway. She opened it and found a
brand new bathroom scale. |
|
|
|
<< Start < Prev 1 2 3 Next > End >>
|
| Results 1 - 9 of 27 |
